Laughing All the Way to the Bank

When I was a kid in the 1960s, I used to gaze at the Wheaties cereal box and visualize in my head that it was me instead of Mickey Mantle depicted in the home-run batting stance.

By the time puberty hit, my good glove, weak arm and slight bat (hardly what scouts call a “five-tool” athlete) never got me past Little League, no matter how many successful Ron Swoboda dives I made in the outfield.

Purely a fan these days, I had to chuckle by the marketing ingeniousness of the recent contract bestowed upon Alex Rodriguez, the American League's Most Valuable Player in 2007. His agent, Scott Boras, on Oct. 28 interrupted the fourth game of the World Series to announce that A-Rod would be opting out of his $252 million New York Yankees contract, which wasn't expiring for another three years.

Even though it looked like the player and team had parted ways, a new 10-year deal worth as much as $305 million, including $30 million in “historic achievement” bonuses, was announced on Nov. 15.

Barring serious injury, the Yankees' ownership realized there was an excellent chance that Rodriguez, 32, would set a new record by year seven or eight. He enters next season with 518 home runs. Barry Bonds, 43, hit his 756th — the new record — this past Aug. 7 and ended last season with 762.

Spookily, the same day that A-Rod's new deal was announced, Bonds was indicted on perjury and obstruction of justice charges, alleging he lied while under oath about his reputed use of steroids. Following his Dec. 7 arraignment, pundits agreed it's highly unlikely he will be playing this season. Last summer neither Bonds nor the San Francisco Giants, which chose not to re-sign him for 2008, could fully exploit his achievement due to his tarnished career.

Under his new deal, A-Rod is set to receive $6 million each time he matches Willie Mays (660 home runs), Babe Ruth (714), Hank Aaron (755) and Bonds (762 or whatever he finishes with) — and then when he sets the new record — on top of his base salary.

The Yankees reportedly plan to designate each level as a historic event, enabling Rodriguez to receive the added money in exchange for additional personal appearances and signed memorabilia. How convenient — Boras' Impact Marketing handles his clients' endorsements, appearances and autograph signings.

Sure, the Yankees are taking a huge financial risk, but they desperately needed a third baseman and won't find another who last season hit 54 homers and 156 RBIs.

Individual feats aside, will A-Rod ever produce in the post-season, let alone deliver the Yanks their first World Series since 2000?